I know part three has been very long in coming, but here goes.
"I'm Mary," she voiced unsteadily, unsure of how he would react. He could see her; there was no denying that now, but could he hear her as well?
Several expressions flashed across his face. Confusion, fear, anger, and then confusion once more. Mary knew that she must be a strange sight to him. Her colonial-style clothing was only one of the many oddities about her. She saw his eyes move from her long skirts to the hat atop her head, and then they came to rest on her damaged neck.
Mary was in far too deep to back out now. Even if she vanished and never saw him again, he would still remember her until he joined her in the world of the dead. She also knew that she would never be able to vanish without hope of returning. He was too much a part of her, though she didn't even know his name. Knowing this, Mary gazed evenly at him, daring him to look away in fear or disgust. To her surprise, he returned her stare with as much force. This pleased her. He was not frightened. Perhaps he, too, could feel the weird energy that she felt, drawing her towards him like an inexplicable gravitional pull.
For some time, they stayed that way, eyes focused intently on each other. He was the first to break the silence. "Who are you?" he repeated. Mary knew that this was a different question than the one she'd answered already. He was not asking for a name. He was asking for an explanation.
"I'm Mary," she reiterated, not knowing what else to say. How could she explain it to him? She couldn't even explain it to herself. A quick glance at the window told her that she did not have much time left with him anyway. The sun was beginning to make it's appearance in the East.
"I have to go now," she managed. "I will return tomorrow night, and I promise to show you then." As the sun rose, her form grew more and more faint, until there was nothing left of her to see. He continued to stare at the space she had vacated. What he was unaware of was that she had not vacated it at all.
Mary watched him prepare for the day. He ate his breakfast, brushed his teeth, pulled on his clothes, all the time unaware that he was still being observed by the strange girl he had seen in the early hours of the morning. As he left, Mary silently followed him through the door, determined not to make the slightest sound so as not to frighten him. She wanted to memorize his daily routines. She would not leave his side unless she had a very good reason.
As the day progressed, Mary shadowed him, carefully tracking his every move. She was unable to explain this attraction that she felt towards him. How could somebody who had played so insignificant a part in her existence affect her so? The man hadn't spoken more than six words to her, and yet she hung onto his every word to others. He hadn't looked at her more than twice and she still felt jealous of everybody else that he looked at. He was everything she had ever dared to hope for, but never thought she could have.
He was somebody who could see her. Not a ghost. Not a child. Not an animal. A human man. It was something so new, and it had been so long since anything new had happened to her. She felt that she would die again, if it were possible, if she had to return to the monotony she had faced before.
As she reasoned this in her head, she suddenly heard a voice, and she somehow knew that what it said was for her and her alone.
"Come with me," it commanded. And she did.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Well, I haven't read the other parts so that's why I don't understand it a whole heap, but it was very interesting. It's very descriptive, which is great, but at the same time it's not too much so. I will most probably read this when it is a finished product! Thanks for the story.
okay...the plot of the story is good but it seemed confusing. for example...where is the setting located, when i first read it, it seemed like in her house or in some costume store becasue she wears the clothes...
secodnly, what is the relationship between the two characters...at the ending, i am thinking she is some ghost when you note that he was the only one who could see her...there is not enough clue between this story...for me personally.
as well the last line where you noted that she heard a voice behind her is like a cliffhanger becasue the reader wnat to know who this person is...but otehr than that...the story seemed good and has some potential but it just need some more details on relationship and setting.